Choosing Civility: the Twenty-Five Rules of Considerate Conduct by P. M. Forni

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Dr. Forni teaches civility and Italian literature at Johns Hopkins University and was the co-founder of the Johns Hopkins Civility Project (1997-2000). He now directs The Civility Initiative at Johns Hopkins. I was recommended Choosing Civility at a business and professional networking training and again at the Maryland Library Association annual conference, at which Dr. Forni was the keynote speaker. I am so glad I read this book!

I recommend Choosing Civility for business professionals and to all walks of life, to young and old, to people who already value civility, and to those who are suspicious of civility as something outdated, restrictive, elitist, or hypocritical. This book is of immense value to anyone who is interested in connecting effectively and happily with others.

In Choosing Civility Dr. Forni explains why this connection is essential to us all, though the book’s focus is America. Dr. Forni examines some social influences on current American manners, which are just one part of civility. Though American social interactions are perhaps more informal than those in Europe, Dr. Forni acknowledges a tradition in America of democracy which encourages a respect for others, one of the behaviors which fosters civility. Dr. Forni avoids broad labels; instead he focuses on behaviors. His book is a pleasure throughout and reads like a courteous conversation with a mentor.

Part One of the book explains what civility is and why it is essential to us all. Most important for a happy and successful life are our relationships with others. Civility ensures these relationships are positive and rewarding. Civility is not a sign of weakness, and is practiced by the self-confident, not the subservient. Civility is not out-dated, but has been transformed in the 21st century by an increased value placed by society on self-esteem. Self-esteem, however, is not self-centeredness. Civility is practiced by those who understand self-restraint, and stems from a genuine concern to treat others as one would like to be treated.

Part Two explains the twenty-five rules, most of which one feels one knows. There is no sense of boredom, however, nor a sense of complacency. The plentiful examples give food for thought and things to practice. Part Three explains why we as a society are rude and what we can do to at the personal level, taking responsibility to eradicate the causes of rudeness from our lives.

As Dr. Forni says:
“Just about the most important thing we do is interacting with other human beings. Shouldn’t improving the quality of this interaction be at the top of our agendas? Being civil in our every-day lives is a time-tested way to bring about such improvement. A better quality of human interaction makes for a better life – a saner, more meaningful, healthier, and happier life. It is that simple. It really is that simple. All we have to do is stop, think about it, and then act. The sooner the better.”