|
 Alcoholism
is a disease that affects people from all walks
of life. It’s hard not to turn on the television
these days without hearing about some celebrity
on his or her way to rehab. Even the radio plays
its fair share of songs lamenting the hardship
of this addictive drug.
This month’s Jen’s Jewels
knows firsthand how destructive alcohol can be.
Kaylie Jones is no stranger to the publishing
business having lived a life surrounded by many
literary giants including her own father, James
Jones. In her latest release, LIES MY
MOTHER NEVER TOLD ME, she beautifully
puts into words her own family’s struggle
with alcohol and shares the hard life lessons
she’s learned along the way.
As part of this interview, William Morrow
has generously donated five copies for you, my
lucky readers, to win. So, don’t forget
to look for the trivia question at the end. And
as always, thanks for making Jen’s
Jewels a part of your reading adventure.
 Jen:
As the daughter of the award-winning novelist
James Jones, you lived a privileged life surrounded
by numerous literary giants such as Truman Capote
and Irwin Shaw. In your latest release, LIES MY
MOTHER NEVER TOLD ME, you take on your biggest
challenge to date…your relationship with
your mother, in an unforgettable memoir filled
with brutal honesty and raw emotion. First, let’s
talk about your childhood. As an American living
in Paris, what aspects of the French culture most
positively affected your family life?
Kaylie: I loved being bilingual. I loved French
culture and manners. I felt very much at home
in France and still do. The one aspect of French
life that I didn’t love was school! I didn’t
do well with the kind of authoritative nastiness
the teachers dished out on small children.
Jen: At the beginning of the book, you
address the adoption of your brother Jamie in
great detail. Looking back, what impact did it
have on your relationship with your mother? Throughout
your childhood, did you embrace his presence or
were there feelings of resentment?
Kaylie: Jamie and I argued a lot as kids. My mother
always took his side. But I understand why she
did. She felt he was much more vulnerable than
I. There wasn’t much of my mother to share
in the first place, and now there were two of
us. Yes, we fought a lot. But we grew up, and
now we don’t fight at all.
Jen: And, what is your relationship like
today?
Kaylie: Jamie is one of the best people I know.
I trust him completely and believe he will always
have my back, as I’ll have his. He is intelligent,
sensitive, loyal, and decent. All the things I
love in human beings.
Jen: Your exposure to alcohol at a young
age led to your own struggles with alcoholism
later in life. As a child, how did you feel about
your parents’ drinking? Was it acceptable
behavior in your eyes?
Kaylie: To me, their drinking seemed perfectly
normal. I thought everyone in the world drank
that way, and that it was part of life. “I’m
so hung over” was a sentence that I thought
everyone said, and that it was very amusing.
Jen: How did the loss of your father when
you were sixteen years old change your relationship
with your mother?
Kaylie: My father’s death certainly didn’t
help my relationship with my mother. She completely
collapsed. If she was unavailable before, now
she was completely shut down. It took her years
to pull herself out of that depression, and I
don’t believe she ever fully recovered.
My relationship with my brother, however, improved
a great deal. We began to talk. We began to rely
on each other for advice and help. He was a pillar
against which I leaned and still lean.
Jen: On his deathbed, your father asked
you, not Jamie, to promise to stop your mother
from drinking. Why do you think he chose to rest
the burden upon your shoulders and not his?
Kaylie: Our father put a different burden on Jamie.
He told Jamie, “Take care of the house.
If you take care of the house, everything else
will be all right.” That 16 year old boy
broke his back trying to keep the house together.
He thought it was his mission in life. Letting
go of his responsibility toward the house was
the hardest thing he probably ever had to do.
Jen: Soon after his demise, your mother’s
reckless behavior quickly encroached upon your
world as she drew you into her life of drunkenness.
For many years, it was the norm for you. At what
point did you realize that your life was spinning
out of control?
Kaylie: When I was diagnosed as having an ulcer
at the age of 28. That was the beginning of the
end for me. But it took me another three years
and a disastrous marriage to realize I was an
alcoholic and that I was in serious trouble.
Jen: Facing sobriety took a toll on many
of your relationships including the one with your
mother. Throughout your memoir, you address your
feelings of guilt of not being able to help her
battle her own demons. How have you turned this
experience into a positive learning tool for your
daughter, Eyrna?
Kaylie: I never hid from Eyrna that I was an alcoholic
who no longer drank. She has known that since
she was able to talk and understand. I never hid
it and I never acted as if it were a bad thing,
or a secret. This enabled her to have no feelings
of guilt or shame associated with the word “alcoholic.”
I am probably more proud of this than any other
single element of her upbringing.
Jen: I have to admit, I was so happy
for you when I read about your marriage to Kevin.
You portray him as being your Rock of Gibraltar
which you so needed in your life at the time.
Describe for us his relationship with your mother.
In what ways, if at all, was he able to bridge
the gap for you two?
Kaylie: My mother was so angry at Kevin that she
actually said, in front of Eyrna when she was
around five years old, “If he were my husband,
I’d kill him.” Eyrna repeated this
to me, worried that her grandmother was actually
going to try to kill her father. My mother had
no understanding at all of the effect her words
might have on a child. The reason my mother did
not like Kevin was that he stood up to her. Never
once did he let her get away with pushing him
around, or me, or Eyrna.
Jen: Let’s talk a minute about
Mr. Bill, your Taekwondo instructor as well as
mentor. He, too, played a key role in your battle
to take control of your life. What was the greatest
lesson he taught you? In the book, you mention
his illness. Is he still alive?
Kaylie: Mr. Bill is very ill and is not able to
do much. I go visit him and call him as often
as possible. He is one of the strongest men I’ve
ever known. He is so brave in the face of this
devastating cancer. What he taught me is that
you show up, no matter what. He taught me self-discipline,
but also to stop thinking so much, and judging
myself so harshly. He always said, “You
can’t fight angry. You have to fight calm
and clear-headed.”
Jen: Of course, we can’t talk about
the ending of the book without giving too much
away; however, how did the volatility of your
relationship with your mother open your eyes to
the fragility of human life?
Kaylie: I think rather the contrary. Our relationship
taught me about the strength of human life, and
what humans are capable of, both in the good sense
and in the bad. When I wanted to shrink into bed
and never come out again, I got dressed and took
my daughter to school. I made dinner. I went to
tae kwon do. I learned that one goes on, no matter
what.
Jen: Which character traits did you inherit
from each of your parents of which you are most
proud?
Kaylie: They were both very stubborn. They were
both more angry than afraid. I think these traits
have helped me to survive and be single-minded
in my pursuits.
Jen: Upon completion of this memoir, what valuable
life lessons did you take away from the whole
experience of putting your life into words?
Kaylie: I really felt, after this whole experience
with my mother, that nothing much worse in terms
of humiliation and horror could happen to me.
So I decided that I would not feel ashamed or
guilty ever again, for things that “happen”
to me, or, things that I might have done in the
past that I used to feel ashamed about.
Jen: Finally, let’s talk about
the title, LIES MY MOTHER NEVER TOLD ME. Please
explain to us its significance.
Kaylie: I was raised with the belief that my mother
was the most honest person in the world. I was
told this repeatedly by both my parents. It’s
a simple mathematical proof: if my mother was
the most honest person in the world, and she believed
she was not an alcoholic, then the problem must
have been within me. My mother never told lies;
therefore, she never told me lies. These are the
lies she never told me. When I discovered that
we were all alcoholics, the entire foundation
upon which we stood was shattered.
Jen: Are you currently at work on your
next project? And if so, what can you tell us
about it?
Kaylie: I am thinking about, and taking notes
for, two projects, one a novel with an unreliable
first person narrator who lies to the reader all
the time; the other is a memoir about my teaching
experience, and how that shaped my life. I wasn’t
able to put much of that in this book. It is a
completely different, yet just as important subject
for me.
Jen: Thank you so much for taking time
out of your busy schedule to stop by and chat
with my readers. Your life story is a true testament
to the strong woman you have become. I so appreciate
you sharing it with my readers.
Kaylie: Thank you for your thoughtful and heartfelt
questions.
I hope you have enjoyed my interview with Kaylie.
If you would like to learn more about
LIES MY MOTHER NEVER TOLD ME, please
click on this link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCZ7lx9W-LI
Okay, it’s time for the trivia contest!
Be one of the first five readers to e-mail me
at jensjewels@gmail.com
with the correct answer to the following trivia
question and you’ll win your very own copy
of LIES MY MOTHER NEVER TOLD ME.
What is the name
of Kaylie’s Taekwondo instructor?
Later this month, I will be bringing to you my
interview with Cathy Marie Buchanan, author of
the phenomenal love story THE DAY THE FALLS STOOD
STILL. You won’t want to miss it!
Until next time…Jen
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Meet
the Author: featuring Jen's Jewels