 Whenever
someone asks me for advice, I always try to take
moment and carefully weigh my options. I often
wonder if this person really wants to hear what
I have to say or would it be better to just keep
my opinion to myself. Oftentimes, it’s tricky
to know the difference. No matter what the outcome,
there’s one thing I know for sure. Words
are powerful tools. They have the ability to help
or hurt, and need to be chosen carefully. Now
imagine if giving advice on a daily basis was
your full-time job?
You may recognize this month’s Jen’s
Jewels, Amy Dickinson, by her by-line…Ask
Amy. The successor to Ann Lander’s Dear
Abby column, Amy has been doling out advice for
over five years in your daily newspaper. Her latest
venture is a delightful memoir depicting her struggle
to become the woman she is today. Without a doubt,
you will find this book to be a shining gem.
As part of this interview, Hyperion Books has
generously donated five copies for you, my readers,
to win. So, don’t forget to look for the
trivia question at the end. And as always, thanks
for making Jen’s Jewels a part of your reading
adventure. 
Jen:Having read your delightful memoir, I feel
as if I already know you. So that my readers may
experience that same sense of familiarity, please
tell us a little bit about your educational and
professional background prior to your becoming
a successful syndicated columnist.
Amy: I grew up in Freeville NY and attended the
Freeville elementary
school and then went to high school 3 miles away,
in Dryden. I was a
cheerleader and athlete and also participated
in the school's excellent
music program. I was "Ado Annie" in
"Oklahoma" and "Rosie" in
"Bye Bye
Birdie." I then went to Clark University
in Worcester, Mass. for two
years, eventually transferring to Georgetown University,
where I was an
eager participant in the school's madrigal group
and the only white
member of the Gospel Choir. After that I eventually
moved to New York
City where I was a receptionist at the New Yorker
and then moved to NBC
News in New York, where I worked my way up to
be an associate producer
for several news programs. My former husband,
who is also a journalist,
and I moved to London, where I had Emily. After
my marriage fell apart,
I moved back to Freeville and then on to Washington,
DC, where I started
my career as a freelance writer and temp at National
Public Radio, while
raising Emily. I happily did this for many years
until I was chosen to
write a column for Time Magazine about families
and parenting. I lost
that job after the Sept. 11th attacks in 2001
and started an extended
period of unemployment, living off of credit cards
(still paying that
off).
Jen:As you know, life isn’t fair, especially
when it comes to love and war! In your book, THE
MIGHTY QUEENS OF FREEVILLE, you discuss the “curse”
if you will, involving the women in your family
each having failed marriages. Divorce, no matter
under what circumstances, causes stress for everyone
involved. First of all, it seems as if you were
blindsided when your husband asked for a divorce.
Do you think you were in denial, or were you truly
unaware?
Amy: That's quite a question. Yes. I was truly
unaware that my husband
was having an affair and completely blindsided
when he said he was
leaving. At the time, he told me that he wasn't
happy and that I wasn't
happy and that he was doing me a favor. I also
wasn't aware that I was
unhappy. That's some favor. Come to think of it
-- I forgot to thank
him.
Jen: Secondly, now having the opportunity
to look back and evaluate the situation, what
was the most significant life lesson you took
away from this painful experience? And, how did
you grow as an individual?
Amy: It's not always necessary to grow as an
individual. Sometimes, you
just have to stop crying and get through the day.
It turns out I was
good at that. What I learned about myself is that,
blessed with an
optimistic temperament and with the ongoing emotional
support and
propping up from my family, I was able to prevail
-- just as many of the
women in my life have done. I got the job done.
I always loved being a
mother and I think my family taught me by example
that this is a high
calling.
Jen: As a mother, your greatest
accomplishment is most certainly the relationship
you have with your daughter. The two of you have
been a team since day one of her life. In respect
to her childhood, spending your summers in Freeville
enabled her to experience firsthand the simplistic
value of family. In your mind, were you doing
it for her or were you inadvertently trying to
escape from the reality of your circumstances?
Amy: I took Emily to Freeville for both of us.
It was where I wanted to
live, but I knew that I couldn't make much of
a living there. Being in
Freeville so often gave both of us a wonderful
balance between city and
country -- metropolis and small town. I wouldn't
call the value of
family "simplistic." I'd call it very
complicated and exceedingly
rewarding. Mainly, it's nice to ride your bike
and get an ice cream
cone. It's nice to be surrounded by people who
know and like you. It's
nice to be able to let the cat outside and not
use a litter box. It's
nice to grow a garden.
Jen: Hillary Clinton said that
it takes a village. I think you would have to
agree with this statement not only in relation
to childrearing, but also with the rediscovery
of yourself. What makes the actual Mighty Queens
of Freeville such strong, unflappable women?
Amy: I wouldn't say they are unflappable, necessarily.
They're as
flappable as anyone -- but the women in my life
have perspective. No
matter what happens in your life, you know that
if your kids are OK and
happy, then you're going to be OK, too. My mother
and aunts have always
been hard-working, smart women who care about
one another and about the
community, too. It's a very powerful tonic to
realize you're not alone.
Jen: Career-wise, the tides
turned when you landed the coveted Ann Landers
advice column. How did this life-changing opportunity
happen?
Amy: I had been freelancing a little for the
Chicago Tribune and an
editor there and I became friends. He threw work
my way when he could.
So when Ann Landers died, I said, "Hey --
there's a job I could do. HA
HA HA HA. I literally wrote HA HA HA across the
e-mail page. He said,
"You know what? I think you COULD do this
job" and invited me to try
out, along with others. The process moved very
slowly and took many
months, but I had a feeling I would get it, and
I did. I've been writing the column, Ask Amy,
every day for the last 5 1/2 years.
Jen: After the deal was sealed,
what steps did you take in order to prepare yourself
for this new role? Were you hesitant at any point?
Amy: I didn't necessarily hesitate; I was desperate
for work at that
point and desperation is a very powerful tool,
it turns out. Honestly,
the hardest part was picking up and moving to
Chicago. I don't like to
move and I didn't want to be so far away from
my family. But we did it.
I knew I could do the job -- it’s a question
of being as responsible
and correct with my answers as possible. I've
always been confident
about my voice and also my skills as a reporter.
Meeting a crushing
deadline every week is very challenging, but I've
become used to the
pace.
Jen:Please take us through the
selection process for the letters in your column.
Do you use screeners? Approximately how much of
your mail are you able to read? Are there certain
topics that are taboo?
Amy: I don't have any staff. I am my own staff.
Emily helps me to open
the mail when she's home and just now my niece
is helping me to go
through some of the snail mail. I check the e-mail
several times a day.
Choosing the questions to answer is the most important
part of my job.
The questions dictate the tone and pace of the
column. I try to create a
narrative, of sorts, in each column, with a variety
of questions --
serious and silly.
Jen:What is the most challenging
aspect of your new career? The most fulfilling?
Amy: The most challenging part of the job is
the pace. I produce 7 fresh
columns each week and have done so without missing
a day for 5 1/2
years. That's a lot. I do work ahead, but working
ahead is proving to be
very difficult. The most fulfilling part is the
thought that I have an
influence on people -- I treasure the trust they
place in me.
Jen: Throughout your book, you
mention the perils of your love life as well as
the “joys” of dating from the perspective
of a woman who no longer has the word twenty attached
to her age. Of course, we want to know if you
are now living a happily-ever-after life with
the man of your dreams. (But sorry readers…you
need to read the book to find out!) Since you
are the queen of advice (as well as of Freeville),
what words of wisdom can you share with women
who find themselves in the same boat?
Amy: Never buy a new outfit for a first date.
Never go to the movies on
a first date (there is nothing worse, in my mind,
then sitting in the
dark next to a stranger for 2 hours). Treat every
date as the
opportunity to make a new friend. Ask questions
and listen. Converse.
Share jokes. Grab the joys as they float by. Don't
ever forget who you
are. Don't squeeze yourself to fit into someone
else's mold. Develop
relationships with other women -- your friends
are some of the best
dates you'll ever have.
Everybody gets to have a happy-ever-after. But
it really helps if you
have a happy-ever-BEFORE.
Jen: Now that the book is finally
completed, what have you taken away from this
entire experience of putting your life into words?
Was it a cathartic journey of sorts? Or was it
more of a “this is who I am and where I’ve
come from” and “you can do it, too”
kind of statement? Your brutally honest (yet humble)
voice makes this memoir stand out as a one-of-a-kind
reflection well-worth the read.
Amy: Aspects of writing this book were cathartic.
Writing about my
father helped me to come to terms with this very
vexing and challenging
relationship in my life. I chose to enter therapy
as I started this
writing project, and that helped immeasurably.
It helped a great deal
to talk about my relationships -- to try to attach
words to the
feelings. And I tried to always tell my truth.
That wasn't too hard to
do -- because the truth is the truth. I don't
always have to be the hero
of my story. I have made and continue to make
plenty of mistakes.
Mainly, my relationships bring me great joy and
I was so happy to share
that.
Jen: What’s in store for
you next? Will you try your hand at penning another
book? Perhaps fiction this time?
Amy: I would love to write a novel. I have an
idea and would love to
write it down -- but I think the next book will
be another memoir --
this time about my childhood.
Jen: Please tell us about your
website. Is there a place on the site for readers
to submit potential advice column questions? Do
you blog? As for THE MIGHTY QUEENS OF FREEVILLE,
will you be participating in a book tour?
Amy: I've put together a wonderful website
www.TheMightyQueensOfFreeville.com. One of the
most fun things I did was
to make a little film -- a "trailer"
for the book, so to speak -- shot
entirely in Freeville. My extensive touring schedule
is there, along
with opportunities for readers to share their
stories with me. And yes
-- I'll definitely field questions for the column.
My book tour will
take me to New York City; Long Island (Huntington,
NY); Ann Arbor, MI;
Ithaca, NY; Fairfield, CT; Chicago and its suburbs;
Dayton and
Cincinnati, OH; St. Louis; Dallas; Washington,
DC; and Raleigh. I look
forward to meeting readers in all of those places.
Jen: Thank you so much for taking
time out of your busy schedule to stop by and
chat with my readers. It was an absolute pleasure
being able to speak with you. I loved your book!
Please come back again. And, Happy Valentine’s
Day!
Amy: My pleasure. And I hope that readers will
do what I have always
done on Valentine's Day -- send greetings to your
girlfriends, sisters,
and the other women in your life. Valentine's
Day may be sold to us as a
romantic event, but for me it has always been
about celebrating love. So
celebrate it!
I hope you have enjoyed my interview with Amy.
Please stop by your favorite bookstore or local
library and pick up a copy of THE MIGHTY QUEENS
OF FREEVILLE today!
Better yet, would you like to win your very own
copy? Be one of the first five people to e-mail
jensjewels@gmail.com
with the correct answer to the following trivia
question and you’ll win! Good luck!
What is Amy’s website address?
Later this month, I will be interviewing Yeardley
Smith, best-known as the voice of Lisa on the
hit television show The Simpsons. You won’t
want to miss it.
Until next time…Jen
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Meet
the Author: featuring Jen's Jewels